Louis the XVI leads conservative America

There are some walls that you wish could talk, and others that make you want to gouge your own eyes out with a rusty spoon you found in a puddle of some unknown, viscous substance underneath a dumpster. But at least we know why Rush Limbaugh feels the need to get his nod on. Only opiates could make the condo he’s listing for $13,950,000 tolerable. Way to go conservative America, your listening has produced a drug addled misanthrope with a Louis XVI fetish.

Nothing could be more “real American” than herringbone mahogany floors. Curious to cover them with white area rugs trimmed in gilt, but that’s what Rush did. It’s a shame too, it would be worth staring at the floor to avoid looking at walls, ceiling and furniture. Maybe i’m too low brow, but i just don’t get murals on the ceilings…unless they depict great moments in NASCAR history across acoustic tiling to contrast with the lovely faux wood paneling in a trailer.

I’m sure all the furniture is ultra expensive and impressive; to be honest, some of it wouldn’t be bad were it not set in one of Catherine the Great’s interior decorating nightmares. The man has a pink dining room for god’s sake. Pink.

The one bathroom pictured is a disappointment in that it’s relatively tasteful…if we discount the gold candelabra chandelier above the tub. I was ready for the tub faucet to be a 1:25th scale golden dolphin, or maybe a scale reproduction of the Grand Cascade at Peterhof with a miniature of Samson fountain serving as the faucet.

As best as i can see, the floor plan labels the room “den”, but Corcoran calls it a “library” in the listing. It looks like a library that Limbaugh would own: it only contains a handful of books and most of them are the kind you put on a shelf to impress people rather than read. Granted, the woodwork in the library is stunning, but the desk and lamps are atrocious. As is the view out the door. And is that a framed picture of Hitler on the wall?

Maybe i’m being hard on Rush and his obvious lack of taste. I’d probably be as stupid and angry as he is if i woke every morning to a ceiling mural depicting two doves carrying a giant garland of flowers. The scene is about as realistic as a European swallow grasping a coconut by the husk and transporting from a tropical to a temperate zone. Or, roughly equal to how realistic Rush’s political doctrine is for governing a modern nation.

In any case, if you’ve got the $13,950,000 to drop on this abomination, you’ve probably got the spare change to actually make it livable too. Head over to Corcoran’s site for the full listing, pictures and floor plan. And no, you can’t use my spoon. Find your own.

Image credit: Tatyana Churikova’s English speaking guide service site. The photo is from Pavlovsk because i’m too lazy to dig up shots i took of Tsarist palace interiors.

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~ by Lex on March 7, 2010.

One Response to “Louis the XVI leads conservative America”

  1. Looks like a fixer-upper to me…

    The color’s a bit off on this LCD, I guess. The dining room doesn’t look pink so much as tan. The “library” really is pretentious, though. You could probably fit five times as many books in there and still have a useful work space.

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