Oh god, make it stop (Updated!)

I got home from an extra-long shift about an hour ago. Open to close, 9 to 8 without company or being able to leave. Ok, i really don’t give a shit about having company. And it wasn’t as bad as it probably sounds; in fact, it didn’t bother me at all. Except that i’m now sitting at home and i can hear…literally hear as in aural hallucination…the god-damned Christmas Crooners.

I know a man who lives in Tennessee/ He was headin’ for, Pennsylvania and some homemade pumpkin pie/ From Pennsylvania forlks are travellin’ down to Dixie’s sunny shore/ From Atlantic to Pacific, gee the traffic is terrific.

I’m past the point of polishing my versions like Jihadi Wonderland and White Bitches. I just want it to end. Saw a film once about English explorers in Africa. Might have even been about Livingston, all i remember is a scene where some poor bloke is sleeping in his tent. A big black bug wiggles into his ear. Time passes, and the guy wakes up screaming bloody murder. He runs out of the tent, falls, writhes in pain and there isn’t much that anyone can do. The guy with the bug in his ear finally takes the only option open to him. He jabs a metal spike into his own ear.

Perry Como, meet knitting needle.

UPDATE: (And in response to the comment. This morning, at the beginning of another 9 – 8, i did the deed. “Shuffle”, “Repeat All”, “Play”. And what do you think the first thing that came on was? Yep, that ole bastard, Perry Como. He’s out to get me, i know it…

Crooning all day makes Lex go something, something. Crooning all day makes Lex go something, something. Crooning all day makes Lex go something, something. Crooning all day makes Lex go something, something. Crooning all day makes Lex go something, something. Crooning all day makes Lex go something, something. Crooning all day makes Lex go something, something. Crooning all day makes Lex go something, something. Crooning all day makes Lex go something, something.

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~ by Lex on December 17, 2009.

3 Responses to “Oh god, make it stop (Updated!)”

  1. Better today?

  2. Hee, hee – I know this will help:

    Perry Como Lyrics – lots and lots of them, so I’m sure you can isolate your favorites – for further enjoyment. 🙂

  3. I’ve had an Earl’s version of “You Can Call Me Al” in my head off and on all week.

    ‘I will be your salad guy, if you fire two Hunans (doo do do do, doo do do do), Microwave an Edy*, salt it up and serve it to the eeexpoooo guyyyyy, to the expo guy.’

    *Edy being short for Edamame

    There’s also “Edamame” a la “Respect” and “We Are the Pan Cooks” a la “We are the Champions”…

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