Crazy-evil-monkey-boy

kimsilverfishlongboardKim Jong-il is many things: devilishly stylish, a man of mystery, a ring side titan of international politics, and the sort of guy who has to fence his own admiring senior citizens into their unheated, foodless nursing homes.  His periodic lobbing of a Taepodong-2 over Japan always garners the media attention that he craves.  One would assume that launches (rumor has it that one’s coming up) would send shivers of fear down the spines of S. Koreans.  One would be wrong.  A whole lot of them half-hope that Kim will aim one straight at Tokyo.

His stylish eye wear not withstanding, Kim’s a piece of work and he’s gone on a real tear of saber rattling lately.  Lee Myung-bak should send Suzie (sorry, Suzie, i can’t remember your real name) to do the negotiating.  She’d saunter up to Kim all sweetness and 5 year old girl light, a big smile stretched across her face.  Then there’d be a maniacal glint in her eye and she’d look at him and say, “You crazy-evil-monkey-boy!”  Which would be followed by a quick punch to the nuts and a frightening cackle.

In case you’re addicted to unity porn and haven’t been following East Asian news, Kim Jong-il has broken off all talks with the ROK and state newspapers are quoting him as saying that there’s nothing left but blood and steel…or some other such grandiose clap trap.  Well let me be the first to say it, “It’s about god-damned time.”

Wait, let me back up, nobody’s really even sure if Kim is alive or not.  And if he is alive there’s a good chance that he’s fairly incapacitated from at least one massive stroke…maybe.  I told you he’s a man of mystery.  The new hard-line on everything could well be the result of internal power struggles, but i know that Kim would want us to speak as if he was in complete control so that’s what we’ll do.

The good news is that this round of war warnings is not centered on Seoul.  Nobody believes that he’ll incinerate Seoul and the 17,000 US servicemen at the Yongsan Garrison.  That’s why they’re there, to act as a trip wire.  No, this time the talk is about the NLL (naval limit line) that leaves the DPRK with not much more than a beach on the West Sea.  Out there, the threat of war has always been taken seriously.  Seriously like permanent beach defenses, the guns greased and bagged; ROK Marines practicing amphibious assault amongst the holiday makers (who’ve only recently been allowed to some of those islands); and manned anti-aircraft batteries.

But there aren’t Americans and the fishing boats and respective navies are always chasing each other back and forth across the line.  Plenty of opportunity for the normal pot-shot events to escalate into something bigger without getting the Americans involved.  The US doesn’t want to deal with it anyhow.  We’ve been moving troops and equipment to our other never-ending conflicts when at all possible.  And if troubles were a meal, Obama would be sitting down to Thanksgiving dinner.  The last thing he wants is a heaping bowl of kimchi.

It’s now or never, Kim.  The diabetes, the strokes, the sons who aren’t much better than Near Leaders.  You’re going to have to make a choice: either to go out like the boy who cried wolf or go out with the guns firing.  You’ll lose either way, but only one path will keep the Yankee imperialists and their stooges from laughing through your funeral.

Throw caution to the wind and force the new president’s hand.  At least try to take Baenglyong-do since the DPRK has always claimed it anyhow.  If that provokes the South into moving against the Stalinist paradise of the DPRK, then there’s a pretty good excuse for seeing if Seoul can be reduced to a pile of ashes in a matter of hours.  Sure, the wire will have been tripped and the US response will be overwhelming, but at least the mess will be for others to clean up and there won’t be so many seniors that they have to be herded into prison-homes.

Of course Kim won’t do it.  He doesn’t actually hate S. Korea.  He hates America (except for its movies), but the Americans hide behind the S. Koreans.  So poor Kim is stuck being an ineffective crazy-evil-monkey-boy with nothing to lose and still managing to lose it.

Sucker.

Oh, and Michael Caine says he wants his glasses back.

Image Credit: silverfishlongboarding.com

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~ by Lex on February 10, 2009.

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